[ k i:: m i:: ]

2011-08-18T08:38:00.002+08:00

Fucking bastard early morning piss me off again!!!

Told him e hdb letter for Reno on 31 aug nv came.. N he just keep quiet!! Nv volunteer to call them even after I hinted v sian abt all this.. Den I gotta ask him can he call or nOT den he say ok. Den, still gotta ask me issit end of mth n I simply flipped!!! Wth??? He forgot e dates AGAIN???!!!!!! tmd I m v tired of handling all these things can???? Y can't he remember ANYTHING AT ALL???!!!!!

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

ISNT HE E MAN OF E HSE Y ALWAYS PUSH EVERYTHING TO ME TO HANDLE!!!!!!!! I M V TIRED!!!!!!!!!

FUCKING PISSED!!!!!

2011-08-16T13:49:00.005+08:00

OMG it's been fucking 2 yrs since my last proper entry. Blogs r gd. Help pp to vent frustration. Bcos whenever u complain to sm1, he or she will just tell u tO cool off, take things easy blah blah blah. So diff to let off steam.

And so, 2 yrs on n I'm still fucking pissed. W him. Loads of $$ to spend on beer but no money for hOliday???!!! Expect me to pay for overseas expenses again???!!! Nooooo way Mr Ang!!!!!! Cos u DO NOT deserve it!!!!! At all!!!! Look wat u hv done to me.

1. Ignore me n play ur fucking iPhone away at home, during fish spa, outside. Non stop. I shall NOT buy u the fucking iPad anymore for ur fucking bday. I will work OT N MK U EAT ALONE ON UR FUCKING BDAY. How's tt?!! Tit for tat!!!!

2. Leave all e hsewrk to me. Disappear whenever I start doing n whine n groan saying tt I nvr inform u b4hand. Wtf!! Hse dirty u blind ah???!!! Oh y dun u fucking suck in all e dirt n dust n stOp doing ur fucking looooong biz so tt e loo doesn't smell tt bad????

3. Pull a long face n throw temper at me for EVERYTHING I DID OR DID NOT DO. Stop ur fucking unreasonable behavior n grow up!!!! Tell u sth, u dun understand = U R A STUPID DUMB-ASS SO JUST ACCEPT THE TRUTH N DUN FUCK W ME W UR BLOODY TEMPER!!!!! I HV HAD ENUFF OF UR FUCKING NONSENSE!!!!

4. Drink n drink n drink. U spend $1.2K a mth on food, public transport n BEER?!!! isn't tt too much???!!! If u got so much spare cash why dun u fucking pay me back ur hp bills???? N pay for ur sis edusave urself!!!!! Y shld I pay for u???? R u a gigolo?? No i dun think so since its been fucking long since we'd done e deed!!! So it makes no sense!!!!

5. Btw I am not ur fucking retirement like wat u said!!! Either u get a grip n start earning more moolah or u shall starve to death!!! Dun exploit me anymore!!! I'm drawing e line now n tts it!!!!!!

My Life Rating

2010-01-01T10:39:00.001+08:00

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.8
Mind:	6.2
Body:	5.5
Spirit:	4.3
Friends/Family:	5.3
Love:	7.3
Finance:	8.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Your Life Analysis:

Life: Your life rating is a score of the sum total of your life, and accounts for how satisfied, successful, balanced, capable, valuable, and happy you are. The quiz attempts to put a number on the summation of all of these things, based on your answers. Your life score leaves room for improvement. You can make changes to improve your trouble areas, and this will bring you greater satisfaction. Focus on your weakest points and set about to change them. Do not delay your happiness and success. (Read more on improving your life)

Mind: Your mind rating is a score of your mind's clarity, ability, and health. Higher scores indicate an advancement in knowledge, clear and capable thinking, high mental health, and pure thought free of interference. Your mind score is not bad, but could be improved upon. Your mental health is not weak, but you are not achieving full mental clarity and function. Learn how to unclutter your mind. Keep learning, keep improving, continue moving forward. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving the mind.

Body: Your body rating measures your body's health, fitness, and general wellness. A healthy body contributes to a happy life, however many of us are lacking in this area. Your body score is fairly average, which means there is room for improvement. Keep a focus on your physical health. Protect your body as it is your most valuable physical asset. Nutrition, stress reduction, and exercise are key. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving the body.

Spirit: Your spirit rating seeks to capture in a number that elusive quality which is found in your faith, your attitude, and your philosophy on life. A higher score indicates a greater sense of inner peace and balance. You seem to be lacking in spirit. Improve your score by refining your beliefs and searching for answers to philosophical questions. Consider new belief systems if your current beliefs are not rewarding you. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving the spirit.

Friends/Family: Your friends and family rating measures your relationships with those around you, and is based on how large, healthy, and dependable your social network is. Your friends and family score is not bad but can be improved. Maintain your current social net, while you try to expand it. Try new things and form new friendships. You will be rewarded greatly.

Love: Your love rating is a measure of your current romantic situation. Sharing your heart with another person is one of life's most glorious, terrifying, rewarding experiences. Your love score is in good shape, meaning that things are going well. Do all you can to maintain it, and continue to grow and move ahead. Read advice from other quiz-takers on finding and maintaining love.

Finance: Your finance rating is a score that rates your current financial health and stability. You have a rather good financial score, which is not all that common these days. Keep doing what works. Avoid common pitfalls and save for the future. You will be glad you did. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving your finances.

Block leave in Sep'09

2009-07-17T14:06:00.002+08:00

17sep - start of my AL
19sep - gg sailing w colls!!
20sep - dye hair
21sep - fren wedding (im a jiemei! hehe)
22sep - facial (dunno which one to go???)
23sep - lawrence bday (but i tink he working????)
24sep - spring cleaning (SIANZ)
25sep - collect AD gowns
27sep - mom bday
28sep - mani/pedi + bring car decor to car rental shop
29sep - AD!!
30sep - rest~

2009-07-08T16:50:00.002+08:00

can't imagine how must frustration is building inside me!
so many questions which lead to null answers; so many worries which i cannot solve.

why are there so many pp here in this place behave as if i owe them everything?
am i their slave? am i very easy to be bullied? why do i need to get so worked up, and slam vulgarities over small issues?
why is it tt there seems to be no proper workflow in every dept, every team?
no one seems to have manuals; and even though i have created my manual, it seems redundant n i have no cover.
why is there no maker checker process? how accurate are all the reports here?
are they all really tt busy tt they have to send emails after office hrs, even near to midnight? or are they just delaying sending out their emails?
why is everything so urgent, but it appears tt our submission is read several days later? which report has priority? or does any of them serve any purpose?

he says he deserves to have his time, having fun in office, cos he seldom has this luxury.
is this true? den how abt the time when he went for prata n drinks n came home at 5am? is tt not considered having fun w his coll?
where is his sense of responsibility? almost 30 but yet can never settle any serious issues.
who is the one who wanna hold wedding? yet, he doesnt care to settle any of the issues.
and does he not have a share in the flat? yet, he doesnt care to maintain the place n doesnt help out in the h/h chores.

i am really very tired. i really do not know how much longer i can tahan.

vexed

2008-11-08T13:22:00.003+08:00

have so many things on my head now... very vexed... very very vexed...

on him...
i really dunno how to handle him... when is he gg to grow up... when will he be more mature n sensible... even without working, he's not contributing much to the household... we had 2 quarrels over how messy n dirty the flat was... and why isnt he studying when his exams are in 1 week's time? is having teh w his frens, playing psp, watching tv n swimming more impt than everything else? where is the sense of priority? and having been jobless for 3 whole months, why does he still wanna play mj w teddy when we lose 90% of the time? i have to settle all the bills, clean up all the shit at home, and now what? mahjong debts? geez why... why is he so insensible... tell me when i can rest n not worry abt everything at home...

on my boss...
generally she's a very nice lady... but she seems to have no choice but to put on a strong n even fierce facade... but why... sometimes we really have no idea abt her mood swings and via ydy lunch, apparently she does noe tt she has mood swings n tt she can be quite scary at times... but after several lunches w several pp, it seems tt most bosses are the same... is it inevitable tt they gotta be liddat? if it's me, i'd be super tired all the time... since we spend so much time at work... and at home, there's neverending worries for me to stress abt...

2008-05-31T12:19:00.003+08:00

feel so upset right now.

why is he so concerned with impressing the gals? what for? huh what for? he never bothers to mop the floor or tidy up the place whenever we have friends coming over, but why this time round? cos he's interested in the gals? some guy, married liao still wanna flirt. idiot.

so vexed with the banquet issues also. FIL suddenly wants to add 8 more tables. why now den say? then we could've gone for other ballrooms which were bigger and which we like better. feel like cancelling the whole thing altogether man.

and i simply got no one to turn to :(

ARGH!

lousy bday

2008-04-13T23:23:00.000+08:00

every year's bday is just lousy. last last yr, had to wait for him till almost 10pm then he finally appear - with a bouquet of flowers. how unoriginal & insincere. last yr, worse. fell super sick & was bedridden for 2 days. and instead of taking care of me, he actually watched TV the whole time. this yr, he promised to go for dinner w me on my bday eve but end up? again appear at almost 10pm - empty handed. i feel so lousy bcos i always have to lie to myself tt he bot me this, bot me tt; but in actual fact is i go shop by myself & claim from him the $$. totally no meaning. and all the promises are always broken. even had to tell him wat i want i.e. bday cake. told him to go order but he never. no cake, no mian xian, no blowing of candles. will it be so upsetting every year?

being maligned

2008-03-28T22:58:00.002+08:00

what do u gain out of maligning me?
i am fuming mad now
cos u keep wrecking my reputation
u better beware
cos Heaven is watching
there is sth called retribution
and by no mere coincidence
u will get ur own deserts

splitting headache

2008-01-23T16:39:00.000+08:00

so many amendments, so many emails shooting here & there. i am getting so frustrated! den suddenly Indonesia tells me of a likely error made in Oct 07. hello?! now is 2008! wake up ur ideas, idiots!

ydy was our ROM anniversary. i noe i shldnt hold high expectations. but i guess it's natural tt pp compare, and den make themselves unhappy. i am one of those pp. the day was great; KS gave me a last min half day off. i went back starving, got changed, and we took a bus down to Ubi to see cars. ard evening time, we headed to AMK for dinner, walked a bit, i trimmed my hair for CNY, and den we head home. we had loads of laughter along e way. but yet, i was still unhappy at the end of e day, when we got home. i complained abt having to do all e housework (he said tt if i want him to do, just tell him to do, den said i'm getting more & more naggy... wtf?!), abt how he always walked off by himself like a spoilt brat whenever we had arguments, abt him not revising his work since he'd wanted to do his p/t degree (and hence i had to fork out e reno instalmts all by myself), having no pressies, no flowers, no surprises etc. for special occasions. a deep surge of disappointment caused my heart to sink, as i started to compare with how my ex-BFs used to treat me. they bot stuff for me, cooked for me, surprised me wif flowers, planned a day of celebration, etc etc. den i oso wondered how nice he used to treat his ex-GF, albeit wif loads of assumptions made. i feel so shortchanged.

but upon deeper thinking, realised tt as long as he's wif me, why do i need to be so calculative?

still gloomy

2008-01-21T14:28:00.000+08:00

tmr is our ROM anniversary & i still dunno whether my leave will be approved or not. i really wish to spend some time with my hubby, be it at home, at the beach, or go patoh like old times. we haven't really been doing tt as weekends are always so crowded, it just drives off any mood to enjoy & have fun. toopid holiday inn batam didnt get back to me whether 26-27 jan accomodation for e spa retreat is still available; so i went ahead to sign up for the workshop "anatomy of peace in families" @ furama riverfront. actually i had wanted to sign up since a mth back, but kept slipping my mind due to spilling workload. anyways i'm quite broke for spa now. CNY coming & we gotta buy ba kwa, goodies, give ang pows etc. cash resources running really low. and dunno whether i will have any bonus or not. it's gonna fund part of our wedding expenses, and if there isnt any bonus, i gotta save real hard gg fwd. life is so tough :(

2008-01-12T01:00:00.001+08:00

im really so tired. so swamped wif work i can hardly breathe. now gotta do 3 ports, oc npl, acrr migration as well as bcp. bcp forum is coming soon, again. i really got no interest in it. but i just dunno how to voice it out to boss. dunno whether i am considered sway or wat, kena a few cases whereby some exceptional cases occur, and my checker nvr pick up the errors in the anomalies & end up i become the scapegoat. so it just seems like my performance has taken a huge plunge. if i still tell her i dunwan to do bcp, i wonder how miserable my bonus would become, if i even have any!

recently we rented out our unutilised room to a myammese lady. she is a pretty nice person, decent & frenly. dun find tt my life has been affected much. and tt suddenly makes me wonder whether me & law really lack tt much intimacy all the while. everyday after work, we watch e telly (currently watching coffee prince given to me by my dearest sis) & den go to sleep. lifeless? i dunno. prob everyone else's life is pretty much e same.

e whole world is having babies now. some of them even younger than me. i wonder how they can do it. i can't imagine myself being preggie at all. i can't sip my red wine no more, and i can't even fit into my clothing no more. and no more dieting or high heels. worst of all, no freedom, and no money! i really can't do it.

everyday is getting more & more boring. at work, after work, at home, and even during special occasions like bdays, festivals etc. FUCKING SIANZ!

disappointment

2007-12-20T19:44:00.000+08:00

i feel so stupid. doing up snowflakes to decorate the windows, and putting up the xmas fleece blanket, spending half a day of my previous PH cleaning up the home, spending the time, effort & money to buy presents for the gift exchange as well as for the games, planning wat to play, wat to eat. felt kinda upset initially when no one bothers to reply to my msg in facebook. den now, she comes & tell me last min tt she is not coming. who knows, maybe one by one, they'd suddenly come tell me last min tt they all cannot make it. all the efforts gone down the drain.

wat the fuck is wrong with her? why is she always gg gaga over him? everytime talk also talk abt him. even when i was so bloody depressed & suicidal, all she can talk abt is him lo. it's as if he has taken over not just her body, but her soul. i cannot help but think tt if i can go back to time, i would have told her not to go for this rship. but i am not god. and i am not anybody to her. i have oredi tried to suppress my disappointment when all she ditched me for him in all the travel plans. i bet she even forgot tt we were supposed to go places like HK together. but now, she is like so bloody desperate to stick to him, ditch not just me, but all her frens & her family, for him. is this how love is like? living in ur own world & fuck care abt the pp who used to be so close & dear to u? fine, u give us up. i can give u up too. from now on, i shall label u as my acquaintance. just someone whom i used to go to sch wif. dun call me "dear", cos u do not mean it at all. fuck off.

Be Without You

2007-10-06T13:37:00.001+08:00

I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
Oooo (oh, oh, oh, oh) oooo

Chemistry was crazy from the get-go
Neither one of us knew why
We didn't build nothing overnight
Cuz a love like this takes some time
People swore it off as a phase
Said we can't see that
Now from top to bottom
They see that we did that (yes)
It's so true that (yes)
We've been through it (yes)
We got real sh** (yes)
See baby we been...

Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby

I got a question for ya
See I already know the answer
But still I wanna ask you
Would you lie? (no)
Make me cry? (no)
Do somethin' behind my back and then try to cover it up?
Well, neither would I, baby
My love is only your love (yes)
I'll be faithful (yes)
I'm for real (yes)
And with us you'll always know the deal
We've been...

Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby

See this is real talk
I'm always stay (no matter what)
Good or bad (thick and thin)
Right or wrong (all day everyday)
Now if you're down on love or don't believe
This ain't for you (no, this ain't for you)
And if you got it deep in your heart
And deep down you know that it's true (come on, come on, come on)
Well, let me see you put your hands up (hands up)
Fellas tell your lady she's the one (fellas tell your lady she's the one, oh)
Put your hands up (hands up)
Ladies let him know he's got your love
Look him right in his eyes and tell him
We've been...

Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby

Heeeeeeeeeeeey Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
Heeeeeeeeeeeey Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh

I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you

2007-09-24T10:19:00.000+08:00

there were so many things which i wanted to do for u on ur bday. decorate the place with flowers & balloons, cook up a feast for u, buy a nice pressie for u, spend a romantic time wif u... etc etc... but nothing was done.

i just kept mopping the floor, wiping here & there, scrubbing the windows, wall tiles, trying to vacuum the circulators, etc etc... but my mind was just empty... everyday i wake up feeling lonely, empty. and i lose motivation to do anything meaningful at all.

i slack. i hang my head low. i look forward without seeing anything at all. i have no strong interest in anything, or anyone, not even u. i am sorry. i feel delusional, just like a teenager undergoing a phase of identity crisis in her life.

crap.

2007-09-20T18:53:00.000+08:00

kena quite a few misunderstandings wif pp recently...

told law tt i saw an old fren at a club recently. said tt there were so many younger gals ard her who were very bubbly. ended up he told everyone tt i said she looked old now. i was like... wtf?! the twist of words really change the meaning...

another incident which happened at work. as i had been feeling pretty down & decided to just stay even quieter for a while, one colleague asked whether i was upset wif her. cos she was complaining abt another ex-colleague whom i happened to be able to click with. i was quite shocked to hear her say tt. after all, it's not as if it concerned me, whether u like her or not. moreover, i dun go ard eavesdropping on pp. but seriously, sometimes i do hear things which dun sound nice lah. also dunno why i always happen to click wif those pp who do not have gd rep. why is life so difficult?!

i miss u, LW... :(

2007-09-16T03:58:00.000+08:00

4am in the morning.

looks like im really suffering from insomnia. blardy antibiotics. they mess up wif ur brain & body. just like blardy anonymous freaks who seem to have so much to comment but dare not leave names. a blog is a blog wif superficial meaning if u do not even know the blogger. but heck! there are always pp who think tt they know a lot & sprout loads of garbage which means nothing to the receiver.

just like a wife who tries to give constructive suggestions to her husband who just finds her irritating, controlling, even condescending. all he hears is garbage. no matter how much effort she puts in, a simple message can come across as negative to him. and why do pp just assume tt u r taking revenge when u happen to do the same to them afterwards?

Get Through

2007-09-13T20:26:00.000+08:00

I Dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving?
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind,
Some reasons to be missed

Don't resent me, and
When you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
And leave out all the rest,
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me now
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind,
Some reasons to be missed

Don't resent me, and
When you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
And leave out all the rest,
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else
Can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind,
Some reasons to be missed

Don't resent me, and
When you're feelilng empty
Keep me in your memory
And leave out all the rest,
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else
Can come and save me from myself

I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

2007-09-08T23:09:00.001+08:00

been monitoring the price of the sleek & sexy samsung u600... it has dropped from $480 to $458 within a week! so happy! hopefully by next mth will drop even further... cos got a sponsor for my next hp! :D

but money is never enuff. i am still eyeing the nintendo wii as well as a scooba. if only i win 4D or something... just $2K to fulfil my wants...

---

oh gawd i am so tired... so vexed... why is it always like a rollercoaster? i am really at a loss as to wat i should do, and should not do... can't it be simpler? i am not u... i really do not know what u r thinking... and i dunno whether wat i am thinking is impt... should i just avoid it? or perhaps u have oredi excluded me... but does it really matter? i wanna know... but yet i dun really wanna know :(

Factoring/ARP

2007-08-02T23:14:00.000+08:00

Today, I came across an interesting issue on factoring. Here it goes:

Q: How can Factoring/ARP improve my Return on Asset Ratio (ROA)?

A: When you factor your accounts receivable to us, we remove them from your books, thereby reducing your total assets and consequently improve your ROA.

Kind of ironic to think of it tt way, isn’t it? Shouldn’t the aim be to increase return instead of decreasing assets? Although according to the formula, it would be accurate to generate a better ratio.

2007-07-05T22:12:00.000+08:00

We have gotten our wedding date! Actually the shifu gave us a list of 15 dates to choose from… But we have more or less decided… it will be on 20.01.2009! We chose this date cos it’s the closest to our ROM date (almost exactly 2 yrs later). Easy to remember & can celebrate both happy occasions together every year. The shifu said 2008 is a good year for chickens to get married but monkeys must get married after the 8th lunar month. This maps to Q408 to Q109, which is coincidentally coherent with our preferred wedding period (cos need to save more $$ in the meantime but dunwan to drag till too late… hotel prices are increasing significantly every year!)

Talking about the shifu, he’s pretty good yet his charge for wedding date calculation is inexpensive @ $38. Bryan Wong (and he said Vincent Wong too) goes to him for fengshui audit for his home renovations – saw their photo together there. Should my work still be so full of bumps, it’s highly probable that I will go back to him for fengshui audit for our 5-room ($588).

Now that we’ve gotten our wedding date, we shall now go shopping for hotels! In another 2 days time, it would be 070707. Heard tt this is a very popular date for weddings, cos not only is it easy to remember, it also falls on a weekend, and coincidentally is generally considered auspicious. So hubby & me think it’s the best day to go around shopping for hotels to hold our banquet! Sounds like fun! :P

Name that feeling: You'll feel better

2007-06-29T13:09:00.000+08:00

Thu Jun 21, 12:31 AM ET

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Putting feelings into words makes sadness and anger less intense, U.S. brain researchers said on Wednesday, in a finding that explains why talking to a therapist -- or even a sympathetic bartender -- often makes people feel better.

They said talking about negative feelings activates a part of the brain responsible for impulse control.

"This region of the brain seems to be involved in putting on the brakes," said University of California, Los Angeles researcher Matthew Lieberman, whose study appears in the journal Psychological Science.

He and colleagues scanned the brains of 30 people -- 18 women and 12 men between 18 and 36 -- who were shown pictures of faces expressing strong emotions.

They were asked to categorize the feelings in words like sad or angry, or to choose between two gender-specific names like "Sally or Harry" that matched the face.

What they found is that when people attached a word like angry to an angry-looking face, the response in the amygdala portion of the brain that handles fear, panic and other strong emotions decreased.

"This seems to dampen down the response in these basic emotional circuits in the brain -- in this case the amygdala," Lieberman said in a telephone interview.

What lights up instead is the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex, part of the brain that controls impulses.

"This is the only region of the entire brain that is more active when you choose an emotion word for the picture than when you choose a name for the picture," he said.

He said the same region of the brain has been found in prior studies to play a role in motor control.

"If you are driving along and you see a yellow light, you have to inhibit one response in order to step on the brake," he said. "This same region helps to inhibit emotional responses as well."

The researchers did not find significant differences along gender lines, but Lieberman said prior studies have hinted at some differences in the benefits men and women derive from talking about their feelings.

"Women may do more of this spontaneously, but when men are instructed to do it, they may get more benefit from it," he said.

The results may alter the traditional view of why talking about feelings helps.

"I think we all believe that by talking about our feelings, we reach deep new insights, and that understanding is what transforms us," he said.

"What we see is something that at first blush is far more trivial. By simply putting the name to an emotion, the person doesn't feel like they've come to any new insight. And yet we see this dampening response anyway."

Lieberman said while there likely are benefits to gaining enhanced understanding, talking about feelings may do something more basic.

"It's not just the deep thoughts," he said. "It's something about the way we are built."

2007-06-28T21:56:00.001+08:00

getting more & more depressed day by day.

am i really labelled as such a lazy bum tt noone believes tt i really do the household chores? i mop the floor, wash & iron clothes, wipe & tidy up the whole flat... but noone ever believes it. it may be a trivial matter, but i've kena too many of such displays of disbelief tt it's hurting my pride. when i do all the work, pp prob assume tt law has done everything. but when they find some dirt on it, they'd prob just put the blame on me.

and what's the use of doing so much? are they important? does doing all these (and at the same time bringing moolah home) guarantee a perfect relationship, a perfect marriage? how much do pp really appreciate wat is being done?

come to think of it. i'm just so unwanted. right from before the beginning of my life. i was nearly aborted, cos i was unwanted. and i was always alone in sch, at the workplace, cos i was unwanted. who knows, perhaps i had gotten married so quickly bcos i know i am unwanted & i got excited over the fact tt someone actually wanted me?

being a fat & ugly pig exacerbates the whole situation. how i wish i were tall & slim... and looked less like a pig. why is it tt my siblings & i are from the same factory, but i look such a disaster? maybe i'm just fated to be unwanted. maybe bcos i did loads of nasty things in my previous life. maybe it's just retribution. life is never fair, and i gotta accept it. but it's so difficult.

life is pure misery.

how married life really is like

2007-06-13T15:51:00.000+08:00

been getting the same question from close frens: how's married life?

and i always answered: quite abt the same. cos i used to stay over at hubby's place before we ROM-ed & living habits weren't too different. or so i thot.

married life can be tiring. i used to tell an old bf tt i wun wanna settle down yet, cos i dunwan to cook, wash, iron clothes, mop the floor etc. but i ended up signing on the dotted lines & scaring the shit outta pp who knew me. "pleasant surprise" they call it. ya ya.

after staying on our own for one and a half months now, i am starting to realise how my life has become. the laundry cannot never be finished, everything's always dusty & messy, and... the guy's always slouching on the sofa watching TV.

luckily, i'm starting to master the skills of ironing those big office shirts under 15 mins. one way to cheat is to get more short sleeved shirts for ah lau. tt's not a bad move, cos he gets new clothes & doesn't perspire as much since the walking distance is now triple tt of his parents' home. and i can skip ironing those casual wear by throwing them into the dryer cos the anti-crease function really works! i know it's extravagant to use the dryer since we're living in singapore & the sun can be scorching hot at times... but i tried hanging the clothes out twice & on those 2 occasions, stupid me caused the clothes to get soaked in the rain. so tt's it!

and abt cooking... okie fine i'm not an experienced cook. i can't cook steamed fish, stir up yummy dishes but at least i can do pretty tasty fried rice which my darlin loves. and side dishes are all those tt can be thrown into the stylux deep fryer. easy as a breeze! keke. wat's more challenging is estimating the amt of water for the rice cooker. shld've stuck to conventional rice cookers rather than microcomputers huh.

there are lots more for me to learn. and though it may be tiring & time consuming to keep our home in place, i thoroughly enjoy it! the degree of satisfaction is unbelievable & the freedom, privacy... is just darn cool.

esp for ah line...

2007-06-12T20:55:00.000+08:00

ah line said she was bored @ work & so i should update my blog more often so tt she can read... so here it goes! hahaa...

today i fell sick. waited for almost an hour before it was my turn to see the doc. cos there were some emergency cases. both of which were young children. when i saw the tears brimming in the mothers' eyes, i felt so touched & thot abt how my mom used to take care of me when i was young & sickly. it's so weird & amazing tt now we've gotten a place of our own, i am starting to bond wif my mom again. i talk to her & meet her more often than when i was staying @ my MIL's. nice nice. anyway doc got quite worried for me. gave me a jab on my bum bum w/o me realising & kept saying tt i look pale. he gave me 2 day mc to rest (how sweet).

pp ard me are married or getting married... qiao shld be next yr? even bumped into a website which displayed 40+ wedding pics of an old schmate (yueqi). i wonder who else is alr married and/or wif kids.

for us, we intend to walk down the aisle in 2009 & have our 1st child in 2012. tt's another 5 yrs more of freedom. good mah. can explore the world w/o any worries or burden. we even bot 2 mountain bikes & have been moving ard more easily the neighbourhood. now even gg to northpoint takes us less than 5 min. heh heh mebbi we can copy flo & name our MTBs "da hong" & "xiao hong"! =P

finally!

2007-05-24T17:36:00.000+08:00

our renovations had finally completed & we had been staying in our new home since 28 april 07.

special thanks to our parents, frens & colleagues for contributing in many many ways, our property agent, joshua, for being so efficient to find our choice unit, our ID roy tan from inzen who had been really quick in the works & pretty tolerant wif our requests so far, and forummers from renotalk who had given me valuable advice on many occasions.

we held our 1st round of housewarming on 19 may & it was quite a success! most of our frens turned up & the food from neogarden was pretty good. for those who had been asking to come to our place (esp my dear DBS colleagues), we promise to arrange a private session for ya pp v soon. pls be patient!

for the others who had not been invited to our place... too bad! hahaha... can only see pics. better than nothing right. hahaha.

the longish corridor of ~5m enuff for our shoes & a shelter for e guy if he offends moi.

1st view of our home! we used simple decorations to customise our home. pebbles, stick flowers, banana boat etc. elegant & timeless... i hope!

closeup of the stuff on our red cabinet. glass bowl for the guy's keys, banana boat wif potpourri, and our water feature cum sculpture. too bad spoilt alr. long story. *sigh*

we sourced high & low for our sofa & finally settled on this 2.65m long l-shaped fabric sofa wif pocketed spring. it's modular as well so we can have the "L" anywhere we like. cost us $1.1K. a 42" plasma tv (cheap cheap! at $2.2K) on our suspended black glossy tv console provides great entertainment for the couch potatoes.

messy cosy corner. guy says needs much improvement cos far from being cosy. it's a raised platform but wif tiles underneath. there is my bearyhip lamb rug... bday pressie from e guy! *thank u*

master bedroom. scarlet red wall NOT chosen by me! and there is our $2K queen sized bed from king koil, real soft & comfy. the lovely bedsheet set from my dbs colleagues matches very well indeed *gam sia gam sia*

master bathroom wif the lovely zen flower tiles. those tiles cost $12 each. much more expensive than a plate of mee pok. hengz our ID absorbed the cost.

our heart shaped basin wif loads of *porn* in the cupboards! keke kidding. some reading materials for e guy when he does his biz!

that's the boring study room in mocha wall. many pp said the study table is boring. but very cheap lah. whole combi liddat only $280 leh. and good material, wif pedestral, L-shaped table. wanna noe the lobang? PM me =)

guest room got queen sized bed! $300 a night for those who wanna rendezvous wif their partner. tidbits & alcohol included! kekeke.

entire bedroom set (bed frame, sliding wardrobe, 1 side tbl, 1 dresser tbl) cost us only $599. interested? PM me.

our glossy black kitchen! one of our proudest parts of the house. wif black tiles, black fridge. everything is orr orr one.

one side black one side white. quite a big contrast lah. glad tt we were daring enuff to choose this combi!

new lease of life... =)

2007-01-13T08:11:00.001+08:00

The plan
ROM: 22nd Jan 07 (coming soon…)
Reno: Bet Mar – Jul 07
Move in: Bet May – Aug 07
Wedding: 20th Sep 09 (auspicious date & double celebration! But my colleague says tt some pp pantang so will not hold weddings 10 days after lunar 7th month… sigh!)

regarding our reno...

2007-01-13T08:07:00.000+08:00

I wish we can start reno in Mar & move in by May! June would be good too! Hee this is so exciting… too bad CNY is just ard the corner, otherwise, we wouldn’t kena the delay. Perhaps there is another way to get ard it… hire bangla workers? (darlin pls be nicer to ur banglas k…heh heh heh)

still rem tt time me & darlin were tinkin of shelving our reno plans till later part of the year. Cos we had all the crazy entrepreneurial plans of starting a chicken cutlet or fruit juice stall. Our preferred options were shenton way (work mon-fri only) and seah im (cheap rental & it’s close to Harbourfront & vivocity). Then one fine day, darlin brought me to this stall near his office tt sells only prawn noodles. I was shocked. They sell prawn noodles and nothing else! (okay okay their noodles does include some chicken & mushroom shreds) pretty pricey… 2bucks per prawn if I didn’t rem wrongly… and they reap high profit!

Den date brought me to this Japanese stall along shenton way tt sells “authentic ramen”. They only had 4 items on their menu… and they all consist of the same ingredients! Only different types of soup! Hahaha so easy to cook lor. Seriously I can make ramen & udon myself (told ya I am serious lah) and wif more yummy add-ons. The singapura flavour and not authentic type of cos. but seriously, 12bucks for a bowl of ramen & one cuppa green tea… sounds like good biz. Moreover the queue is endless during lunch hours… hmm…

perfect 10 =)

2007-01-11T16:10:00.000+08:00

987FM is GOOD! Very entertaining & the music is nice! gawd I just lurve beyonce! She’s beyond sexy and I could hear it in her voice… yupyup…fav song of the moment is “IRREPLACEABLE” by beyonce! No more sleep inducing class 95 for me…hahaha…

getting online...

2007-01-10T17:09:00.000+08:00

Stoopid website…can’t load now. Company’s broadband is S-L-O-W man… especially in the evenings an hour just b4 KO time. Perhaps tt’s when everybody really stops doing their work & starts surfing the web, thereby making it crawl like a snail. Talking abt BB… my singnet would be terminated by this Friday! No more surfing…but no more bills too! Need to get more DVDs to keep myself occupied man.

martin

2006-12-16T17:04:00.000+08:00

Even if it was paid sympathy, it was good. So soothing though deceiving.
It felt really good to think tt someone really cared for me.
Someone who could see through my thoughts just by looking into my eyes.
Much better than all the sweet talking which ends up in swearing words.
Though it was fake, it felt surreal.
For 35 bucks, I bought a bitter-sweet illusion.
Thank you, Martin.

pissed

2006-12-11T23:00:00.000+08:00

i'm pissed. super pissed. super duper pissed.

fancy dumping me all alone in his room & rushing to meet his frens just liddat. wat u expect me to do eh? wait up for u for 2 whole hours whilst u have fun out there? what the fuck do u think u are doing? even a male chauvinist like w says tt what u did was WRONG! if u got so much time, go plan something for us for this yr's xmas. go on & surprise me & make me feel tt it is all worth it. and when the hell is ur formal proposal? it's barely 2 months left! and u dun even spend time communicating wif my mom, let alone ask her properly for my hand!

i still dun hear an apology from him & i am not gg to relent yet.

why i went MIA...

2006-11-22T08:45:00.000+08:00

there are several reasons why i went MIA for the past 3 mths:

i can't blog from work cos they block blogspot
we'd been crazy over kdramas & recently, finished 2 hk dramas as well
we'd been super busy at work (okay fine tt's utter BS keke)
we'd been flat hunting & finally found our dream home in yishun (khatib)!
though we're attending 1st appt next wed, we've collected over 20 quotes to date
we're getting ROMed in 2 mths time! (dun ask me abt walking down the aisle cos tt's not on our itinerary yet!)

anyway, the reason why i can blog on a weekday morning is bcos i'm on block leave! 2 weeks of freedom! yay! but went sentosa last weekend & am sunburnt now. doesn't seem to have much time off cos my schedule's packed!

19-21 nov sentosa chalet
22 nov joreen's wedding dinner
23 nov meeting qiao & foam design
24 nov eye checkup @ jb
25 nov meeting space vision
~~26-28 nov sentosa chalet (again! =P)~~
29 nov 1st appt
30 nov back to work =(

2 weeks suddenly seem too short!

2006-08-22T21:23:00.000+08:00

some updates...
(just typing to keep myself occupied)

i have finally taken up swimming lessons! all grown ups, and thank god! i'm one of e youngest actually. and it's cheap! $55 for 10 lessons... cos it's held at a cc ;)
our 1st yr anniversary coming up, and we're spending e day at wild wild wet! active, sporty rite?? simple & inexpensive. we'd have a tiramisu & i've also prepared 2 big packs of cheezels & doritos! *yumyum*
darlin will be registering for a degree soon! now choosing btw unisim & mdis (uni of bradford). tt's why must cut down on expenses liao. cannot keep changing hp (for me) & buying beer every nite. and shld buy DVDs from yahoo auctions instead of TS ($7 VS $20)
i have successfully "chiong-ed" fini kdrama "endless love" in abt one week's time. commendable! hahaha... gonna start on "princess hours" soon! (now chasing "kss" on chn U... hate e tvcoms!)
went to MOS after a squabble wif my darlin one night few weeks back. puked like hell & luckily my gd fren yl sent me to darlin's plc thereafter. tink i can't drink long island tea haha
i'm gonna switch from kbs to tvb soon! time to watch diff types of shows & also to learn cantonese!

okie... i'm outta here for now!

2006-08-20T17:09:00.000+08:00

havent gone gym in almost a whole week. and i doubt i'd be able to go in the next few days. even my previous friday nite was wasted as i overestimated my ability to overcome the pain tt had been plaguing me for the past few days. the plans for the weekend were all forsaken as well, due to the pain & discomfort. no swimming, no jogging, no hiking, no ktv. the main gd thing tt happened was tt we finally invested in a bed! a queen sized king koil bed. it's an investment, all $2K of it. we're so looking fwd to it!

2006-07-26T23:47:00.000+08:00

email one:
"maybe you help follow up on the ... ... ..."
"maybe... maybe not"

email two:
"karen, attached."
"oh right... how do u know?"

2006-07-23T01:32:00.000+08:00

i think i am gg crazy! i miss him... i miss my darlin... :~(

2006-07-22T09:17:00.000+08:00

woke up from a nightmare. dreamt tt mum has passed on following the death of my dad. which was really more than 5 yrs ago. and i was crying & crying to lawrence. asking him why this is happening to me. and asking him how my life would be if my parents were still ard. i got up from bed, emptied half a bottle of the water my mum had prepared for me by my bedside (everyday w/o fail) & went peepee. passed by e living room and thank heavens, she's at the balcony. reading papers and very much alive. and so i went to sleep again...

(must be the curse of the black pepper potato chips)

anyway, it was only 8am & my sis was already up & dressed. she peered at me with glinting eyes, without her specs. she wanted to borrow my comb. go ahead, take it. and she did. and we chatted a little. i told her tt 5 yrs later, we could buy a flat together (she's 30 this yr). den, she disclosed to me tt she was dating a guy 6 yrs younger than her. tt's like, 1 yr younger than lawrence. damn. do we have a penchant for younger guys or wat?

(though i seriously think tt i still prefer older guys, they give in more. in fact, none of the older guys i had dated in the past has never ordered me out of their sight!)

but but, she was gg kl wif her ex-BF. apparently, they broke up cos he cheated on her. den why still go kl together? i ask. she shrugs. and the younger guy? she knew him from devils bar. tt fucking place. she has the card as well. the whole world has devils card anyway. so why isnt it closing down yet?

anyway, conclusion... i guess we are all disasters in love & rship.

2006-07-19T20:40:00.000+08:00

been bogged down by tonnes of unhappy stuff lately. got someone... dun reply never mind, dun even bother to read what i wrote. gd lah den dun waste my time to write to u! somemore even accused me of not listening which i anyhow conceded...big mistake! another one... wanna do lasik den keep contacting me. now do liao show me attitude. fuck off lah asshole! and who do u think u r to command me here only to shoo me off! do u treat me gd enuff? can u keep all ur promises? i m seriously wondering now whether u r really worth it! u dun even care to know what happened to me...sigh. feel so damn alone.

2006-07-02T23:29:00.000+08:00

sentosa... :)

2006-06-27T19:57:00.000+08:00

noone is responsible for ur own happiness and sorrows except yourself.

2006-06-27T16:55:00.000+08:00

From a Southwest Airlines employee....

"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."

e chronicles of aging

2006-06-17T11:46:00.000+08:00

I used to wonder why pp of a certain age are always so resistant to change. Looks like this is happening to me too. Recently, my coy implemented a new IDD system whereby it can save them tons of cash. But somehow or rather, I had gotten used to using the speed dial which is so much more convenient. But when I realised tt it cldnt work anymore, I kinda panicked. Where’s the goddamn manual tt Amanda had printed for me?! Can’t find. Okay there’s always the intranet. But I’m more proficient at google searches than in intranet search. Okay just need to take some time, and there it is! Okay takes a few tries to dial through the line (which is fcuking inaudible anyway) but at least I’d managed to jump across the hurdle.

Now now. Dept wants to migrate the databases to 2003 (yeah I’m still using access 97). My 1st thinking was like, wat for? As long as we churn out the reports accurate & timely, why shld we go to all e trouble? I have better things to do lah (e.g. sudoku, online research, writing dis boliao blog, zzz etc) Haha. Sounds just like a 40-year old biatch rite. But seriously I did lay my hands on it for the conversion. Thing is, I can’t do it. Eh I’m not tt stoopid k. just tt I aint got e rights to do it. Fine I dun need rights. All e better. Can’t do this can’t do that, that’s the best lah. Hahaha.

btw, happy daddy's day... to my dearest daddy.

2006-06-11T21:56:00.000+08:00

i hate it when i dream abt him. gawd noes why dis happens & i loathe it so so so much! there are certain things which are strangling me at the throat but yet i can find no one to confide in. feels terrible man. seriously, i really wonder, how many of those who read dis blog actually do care abt me rather than just treating me as one of their gossip topics?

i'm gonna sell my hp away again tmr. and i havent gotten another new hp yet. again. but den again, who cares rite? i dun really get any calls or smses from anybody at all. pp change. frens come n go. im a biatch n i need a biatch to complement me n my life.

life is a BORE.

finally...

2006-05-24T23:15:00.000+08:00

been waiting for tt moment for years... and finally i m doing it tmr...

really worried tt i can't focus on the red light...

no more liability...

it's just me and a brand new vision...

god bless me...

你要的不是我

2006-05-05T23:21:00.000+08:00

歌曲：你要的不是我
歌手：林俊杰专辑：曹操
词:林怡凤曲:林俊杰

怎么能忘时间多长
你快乐吗
想代替你回答
你知道吗
走了好远我才能去面对
这份牵挂沉默伤悲

你要的不是我
心碎的失去轮廓
曾经给你的感动
只是情绪的波动

能给的不是我
放任你沉溺自由
掩饰不了我的笨拙
就连说话都会颤抖
我被遗忘在
你遗忘的角落

我被遗忘在
你遗忘的角落

life is difficult w/o $$$

2006-05-03T21:18:00.000+08:00

no money no talk
for poor souls like us, location can't be e priority anymore. money is so impt. in fact, money seems to determine how good one's life can be. m scott peck says tt life is difficult. i say it's more difficult for pp like me than those who stay in landed properties, frequent high class restaurants 5 times a week (e remainder 2 days are spent tricking mums into thinkng tt they are better than din tai fung chefs), and those can get married anytime they want (like those korean dramas).

retirement
been spending my free time in e office scouting for flats (other than finding info on lasik) & calculating e costs. and in e midst of doing this, i realise tt it's so impt to set aside sufficient funds for retirement!

let's say i need $1K a mth if i'm being frugal, and i happen to retire at e comfy age of 55 - yea yea i'm lazy. and i die @ 75 yrs old.

amt needed = $1K x (75-55) x 12 = $240K

fucking hell where am i gonna get tt kinda money?! my cpf is prob gonna give me only abt $100K (after all e deductions of instalments). so wat else can i do? save up & invest in unit trusts?

savings = $500 x (55 - 26) = $174K

wif a bit of conservative investment, prob can hit $185K lah. and i think i still got some insurance funds wif hsbc which i can withdraw in my 40s. but bear in mind, tt's only if i can tahan being frugal!

final verdict
no cash for buying flat @ toa payoh. too expensive & might be smaller / older. ya lor i eating sour grapes now. budget has to be cut down greatly to $200K (meaning: settle for a plce in yishun liao). would rather set aside some funds to renovate e place till nice nice. stay liao feel more comfy... happy!

for e 1st time in my life, i genuinely wish tt i strike toto or 4D!

(hmm wonder how much tt gold chain is worth? =p)

2006-04-27T22:20:00.000+08:00

korean dramas
darlin & i have been trying to run hm asap everyday juz to watch vcds. in fact we juz finished lovers in paris. it's our first korean serial drama actually & i'm oredi "hooked". so i bot our 2nd series: full house. dis time ard, e female lead is much prettier but as short as me. but today so sad cant watch cos darlin still workin hard. tink we'd finish it soon & i'll have to start scouting for new dramas! dunno why everybody say da chang jin is nice leh. issit really so nice leh? hehe.

e li nanxing show
all thanks to florence, i started to follow e murder trails of dis show. now no need to worry abt having nothing to watch on tv. long time ago, i oredi suspect it's rachel who had killed carol. though she hasnt been exposed yet, i think it's more & more obvious liao lor. she prob killed carol not just bcos of e money but oso bcos of li nanxing. dis woman wants to eat him up! hehe.

mobile phones
i'm getting so confused now. i was first holding on to m900, which had a perfect camera & a perfectly large screen resolution. unfortunately i was experiencing probs with it - the person on the other end usually can't hear me. so i ended up selling it & bot z520i, which was perfect for its design, size & loudness. ultimately sold it off cos it had only 16MB of mem. ultimately, i went for d500c. it's not bad, wif crisp display, 64chord polyphonic ringtone, fabulous slide, 1.3megapixel cam. but i just can't forget the previous 2 phones. i'd vowed to stop my impulsive buying & selling of HP for at least e next one/2 years. i think i'm gg crazy.

lasik
i'm seriously considering lasik now. had been wanting to do it but just didnt have e cash. what e heck! will go for 0% instalment plan first. cos i had serious probs wif my contacts & i can never see as well wif my specs. but i'm so afraid tt dry eyes wld be so bad like one podder said. cos it'd be irreversible leh. and shld i do it in snec or go jb to do it? money is hard to earn leh. but i only have one pair of eyes lor. i also wanna wake up every morning & be able to see the spider on the ceiling weaving his web.

the ring
law bot me a solitaire last weekend. he happened to be queuing up to get his bubble tea & i, being bored as usual, started to browse ard & happened to look at gold and diamonds again. impulsive buy? i hope not. it's really nice, has only 2 claws & so doesn't hide the brilliance. in fact i havent seen this design anywhere yet.

the place
toa payoh, bishan or khatib better? i still prefer somewhere nearer to town area leh. tt's why i still pick toa payoh. but toa payoh is so much more exp (abt $100K more for one of same size as yishun's). is it better to be more frugal? or is location really so impt? how big can singapore get anyway, right? sigh. shang nao jin leh.

self discipline

2006-03-31T19:34:00.000+08:00

Perhaps I shld not blame anyone but myself.
My desire for it has become an obsession.
Nobody ard me dares to tell me tt but they’d know better.
And how much worth is a 20% discount worth actually?
I shldn’t be so easily influenced by sales & empty promises.
I need discipline!
If not for the lack of discipline, I’d be staying comfortably in my own dwelling by now.
Fuck it!
I cant even concentrate on anything now.
Not even surfing or doing sudoku puzzles.
And mind u, I oredi set the level to “easy”.
I need to keep to my budget.
Perhaps I shld be blind.
Blind to all e colors of the society.
They dun mean nothing much when I truly ponder.
Grow up Karen Lim!

nightmares

2006-03-30T14:56:00.000+08:00

haven't been taking a gd rest even though nothing much has been happening at work. peak period will be coming soon & i thot it'd be good if i could take a break b4 work piles up to my nose. so i decided to take the day off today. usually i'd wish law could take the day off too so that we can go out & play, but i just feel almost dead. poor law gotta slog like a slave for almost the whole week (with the eating in & working till midnight etc) & who would believe he's working under the organization which is supposed to be protecting the interests of us poor workers?

had 2 horrible dreams just within a couple of hours. in e 1st dream, i was in e midst of my final exams. it was university times, when we had loads of shit to read & math to do. but i had not been consistent in my work & was doomed to flunk. i was quite determined to flunk until i thot of law & how badly hit my salary would be & woke up in a jolt. 12.08pm. time to wake up, take a cool shower & get some food. less carbs, less carbs, i warned myself throughout the meal. had a whole load of vege which filled up half my plate & 4 miserable pork meat balls wif a fried egg. not too bad. i felt full even though i finished less than a fistful of rice. took orange juice wif my collagen stick & went online. talked to jess & estell who are busy at work for a while & back to the bed i hit.

in e 2nd dream, law & i had planned to go for some camping trip (we are still deciding on whether or not to go berkelah falls) & unfortunately, just b4 the trip, i woke up in perspiration and a boiling body. i got up to my legs & looked into the mirror. fucking hell i had got mumps! my cheeks were swollen & i look like a big balloon. i started gulping down ice cool water & recovered. following tt, we got onto the bus & reached a place where there was a ajisen ramen restaurant. i had spotted a big-eyed bitch from my sch last time & was abt to leave when law just queued up behind her & refused to leave. he even sat down beside him & gawd knows what happened next cos again, i woke up with a throbbing head & burning body. luckily i didnt develop mumps or anything.

damn it.

Men Are Just Happier People

2006-03-23T23:16:00.000+08:00

Men Are Just Happier People. What do you expect fromsuch simple creatures? Your last name stays put. Thegarage is all yours. Wedding plans take care ofthemselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive toanother petrol station toilet because this one is just too dirty. You don't have to stop and think of whichway to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress costs £1500. ATux rental is only £100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch ispractically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, ormangle your feet. You have one mood all the time.Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. Youknow stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. Youget extra credit for the slightest act ofthoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, heor she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is £7.00 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never havestrap problems in public. You are unable to seewrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your facestays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can playwith toys all your life. Your belly usually hides yourbig hips. You need only one wallet and one pair ofshoes. You want only one colour for all seasons. Youcan wear shorts no matter how your legs look! You can "do" your nails with a penknife. You have freedom ofchoice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives onDecember 24 in 25 minutes. You don't freak out whenyou go to a party and see another man wearing the same shirt, instead you become buddies.

No WONDER men are happier...

brokeback mountain

2006-03-02T06:42:00.000+08:00

date: 28th Feb 2006
time: 6.45pm +++
location: GV plaza singapura
kaki: siok
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the movie

a beautiful love story.

beautiful cos it started unexpectedly.

one tt is not based on first impressions.

a relationship spurred by friendship and climatal situations.

unconventional? or just yet to be deemed possible by people?

a bond that is stronger than kinship.

love is really just between two individuals.

be brave to embrace what's true to your heart or regret it for eternity.

a love so true it hurts.

it hurts cos it's a beautiful love story.

one that has no ending.

no more "happily ever after".

6 mths anniversary

2006-02-25T10:13:00.000+08:00

darling brought me to dis restaurant called "BUDDY HOADIES" at khatib cc. nice place, nice ambience, nice price. ordered roasted chicken baked rice which wasn't as good as darling's spicy sausage pasta (though i didn't find it spicy!). the cheese fries is different from kfc's, but i was too hungry & gobbled up the bulk of it b4 i felt bloated & sick. haha.

me & darling posing for pictures! hmm enuff of the conventional "oh we are so happy" smiley kinda pics! here's a pouting one. hmm darling's mouth too small to pout huh...

darling got a card for me!~! so cute, the crabs!! haha darling trying to hint tt i am crabby... :( nope, i ain't gonna let anyone see the contents... too sweet oredi hehehe ^_~

okay, here's a smiley one... oh yeah i cut my hair... but i dun care... darling must still love me... and find me pretty.. hahaha...

2006-02-21T23:18:00.000+08:00

WHY CAN'T I BE BORN WIF A HIGH METABOLISM RATE & NEVER GET FAT????? :(

2006-02-16T23:13:00.000+08:00

I think I just hate her.

I just didn’t know why the hatred is so intense.

She caused the whole family to literally fall apart.

And she still shielded that bastard even when I was physically abused.

Kicked, strangled, punched.

Seriously, he ought to be hanged.

Bastard bastard bastard.

Need to get socks again later.

Darn!

Why can’t she be more organized and less of a mess?!

Tramp tramp tramp!

2006-02-16T00:23:00.000+08:00

today - induction
this is a stupid course
total waste of my time
fun-filled morning?
do they think we are kids?
feeding us wif redundant info
and giving stars as if we care
as if anyone is truly listening

looking back... valentine's day
our 1st vday together
darling gave me money, red roses, hello kitty, cheezels
i used e money to buy a samsung mp3 player juz now
i got him an ellesse watch
and a certificate (",)
the connection was explosive
almost perfect

looking forward... korea trip
booked a trip to korea in march
i can't wait to go skiing w my darling
heard tt it's a romantic place for couples
i've got almost everything prepared
i'm just looking forward
so much
i hope nothing cocks up last min

2006-02-06T20:35:00.000+08:00

just one month into the new year, and i seemed to have grown much older than ever. perhaps not just physically (growing really fat due to deteriorating metabolism rate), but more imptly, my way of thinking. too many obstacles in life really force pp to grow up, and it's not exactly the wonderful feeling afterall.

to all my dear friends out there, including crystallis (perhaps u shld give me ur name & i should just remember who u r) and qiao who left comments in my blog to encourage me. your moral support is seriously greatly appreciated. gerald, i dun wanna call u just when i'm down k. im sure u noe what i mean. but no, i wun be breaking up wif law. 5 mths is not exactly a great deal, but it's a rship which i treasure the most (so far, haha).

i remember the times when i was much younger, i was always wondering: "why is he liddat? why did he do that to me?" etc etc. never did i understand that the essence of life, and love, is actually to give a lot, but expect nothing. frankly speaking, this is totally impossible. but if you try hard enuff to achieve as close as possible to this scenario, you'd find great happiness within yourself. why? simply bcos pp have feelings & many a times, they do reciprocate. so when u receive a nice reward in return, like a surprise!

today, colleagues & i had lunch at lau pa sat again (lunch kakis anyone?) colleague was saying tt she felt terrible cos her BF didn't know how to rank her between his family & friends. i told her tt it's always unfair for them to prioritise any one of the above, bcos he had, afterall, been through thick and thin wif his family & friends, and is most likely gonna rank her on the same level as them. trying to squeeze them for an answer is generally impossible. but, i told her, look at his actions and what he had done for her. isn't it apparent tt he had actually given her much more time, effort and even money than anyone else? they'd never admit tt u r more impt bcos they dunwan to appear biased. but fact it, we are really important. and then she recalled the times when it was raining cats & dogs, and she really had to go back home. her Bf was thoroughly drenched cos he insisted that she wear the raincoat and pants. now, isn't tt awefully sweet?

btw, i've moved back home to stay wif the monster and monster's mom. i reckoned tt it'd be best tt i minimize contact wif law's family. though it's slightly inconvenient now tt he has to send me back home everytime we go out (luckily he stays only 5 stations away from me), we now have more personal space for ourselves. and law is really wonderful. he came to visit me twice yesterday (once b4 his RT & again after his RT). even though it's just a simple gesture, i really am very touched.

and never estimate the three words "i love you". the 3 words help to resolve matters more easily & saves so much time. i'm sure jack neo wld agree to that, cos he is not stupid too.

2006-01-30T12:00:00.000+08:00

It's not that you are throwing in the towel; it's just that you are beginning to look at your future in a different manner. It's certainly not going to be quite what you expected. Pay attention to how your view of the world is changing now, but don't try to put your thoughts into action until later in the week.

utter disappointment.

2006-01-30T01:28:00.000+08:00

perhaps it was bcos i had come from a shattered family tt's why i started to invest my time, effort, money, and most imptly, sincerity into his instead. i think it was him who had suggested it altogether. "since u dun have a warm fam, u can share mine". how wonderful it seemed before. and the more i put in, the greater the disappointment. i thot i was angry with them initially. but the more i thot abt it, the more i realise tt it was sheer disappointment. the same kind tt i have wif my own fam. which ultimately leads to me giving up.

i think i do not want to see them again. bcos the moment i see them, the feeling of injustice would come into mind. i dunno who crystallis is, but she seems to know exactly what im gg through. they never get to the bottom of things and like all homo sapiens, being biased is a common trait of theirs. to them, im like a puppet which they use to entertain their child. anytime the puppet is unable to make him happy, they pierce a needle through its heart. bcos puppets are not supposed to have even one bit of emotions.

he said he defended me. but how, i asked. and shock was all i received. just like when the 2 lovers in paris were wronged, the guy refused to explain in detail to the rich couple. if you do not tell, how do people know whats gg on? "i made her angry and tt's why she behaved liddat". apt? i think not. bcos if someone tells me tt, i'd just shoot back: "why is she always angry?". goddammit i am so tired.

"love is never enough". how true is tt?

2006-01-28T13:31:00.000+08:00

On 26th jan, just 5 mths into our rship, my darling wanted to break up with me. Cos I tried too hard to get him to wash up & go to work. Not bcos I wanted him to accompany me on the mrt, but bcos I wanted him to secure his job. I feel that even if he doesn't like his job, he shouldn't give anyone any reason to fire him. He should fire them instead. I didn't see any problem with his body. When I questioned him, he couldn't answer me. It reminded me too much of myself when I just simply didn't want to work last time. It would become a really bad habit. When I realise that I couldn't persuade him to get changed, I got frustrated and left for work. I guess I was wrong. My behaviour is always so intolerable. Darling says that he doesn't really love me anymore. And it's my entire fault. And that his family doesnt even like me. For all that I've done, all is gone to waste. Bcos pp are only able to see demerits. And everyone sees him as the most perfect guy and I'm the bloody bitch. Not just these pp. My so called frens, all of them think tt i'm always the one at fault. Fair? Nothing is fair. I think i'm better off DEAD.

2006-01-27T01:05:00.000+08:00

i put in so much. i gave in so much. all for nought. i am so tired.

first day at dbs

2006-01-18T22:35:00.000+08:00

first lady to greet me reminded me so much of christine.
short spunky hair, funky specs, talks very fast.
helped me to get my pwd for email & internet.

i got my staff pass ard noon time.
its just a card. not an access card.
they give us a round black disc for entry to everywhere.
even the toilet.

lan ID still not up yet.
wonder what benefits lie before me.
mebbi i shld get a credit card.
den go for lasik.
but i might just overspend again like last time.
how scary.

my mentor is of same age as me.
she seems happy in the dept.
even though she said OT is inevitable.
well, dis is singapore afterall.
its a small dept.
hopefully not much politics.
though i guess tt they're prob calling me pinkie by now.
but i think curry flavouring isnt their specialty.

to be continued...

spa & makeover

2006-01-17T21:05:00.000+08:00

went for a spa & makeover today. e spa was at slimline in far east plaza. the steam bath was down but its ok. can always go to gym one next time. scrub and massage were so-so. my back still ached a little and my neck can still crack loud leh. wat i hate most is the hard selling. bo bian ma if not how they earn money rite?? overall spent 31.50 bucks for dis session. after spa went shopping for a while. bot a pink mini skirt for 17 bucks. considered very cheap le. and it's so my style. never did i think tt i'd wear it for the photoshoot thereafter.

i thot i'd never find the studio, which was located behind boat quay. surprisingly i found it without difficulty. the name of the studio is called naughty by nature. understood from the consultant tt they dun entertain walk-ins. only via referrals and members only. interesting. the consultant (i forgot his name) asked me not to change in e beginning and shooed me off to a transvestite to do my makeup. i think the makeup was so-so only. i can do better man. haha. after tt hair oso nvr do den went for first run of the photography liao. after tt i told the consultant i wanna change clothes. and oso put on my snowflakes earrings, which ended up unseen in the 2 free pics they gave me. the hair oso not properly done, cos supposed to curl but oso nvr curl. after the whole thing den i understand why. cos its a free trial, and they wun bother one. after u pay up den they do another photoshoot wif u. how much the package cost?? $2488. daylight robbery leh. but can do referrals and earn back the whole amount la. MLM?? hmm. the manager, an ang moh model called eddie, oso very hardsell. make me damn sian. but i just refuse to pay up. hahaha. ok la. now the pix, WITHOUT TOUCHUP. whoever got photoshop can loan me pls let me know!! best if can give free lessons oso la.

sian la touchup one got slimmer waist bigger boobs better complexion and whiter teeth leh.

lie down one the boobs like become so small hor. and oso can see the pimple one leh. lagi sianz.

Genting trip 9 - 13 Jan 06

2006-01-14T21:54:00.000+08:00

just got back from genting & still feeling tired. sigh must be all e alcohol, smoke, and even plain water! can never forget how my darling sabo me during indian poker session!! all bcos of a stupid passport. hahaa. but i oso got sabo him during dai dee la. made him drink tiger since he likes to get wasted all e time. but sway leh not enuff tiger to get him drunk if not i will just rape him hahaha.

anyway it was a gd trip, wif gd pp who kept taking care of me. and the casino really made me giddy man. sian leh everytime go in kena check. first time chk show passport cannot. den show ic oso cannot. finally made my worldcard and slotscard den can. den after tt a stupid guard still asked me to smile when i showed him my card. if not for money i wun go in liao. hahaha. money money money...must be farnee... in a rich man's world. hah. time to savour pix again!

hiding inside e closet hehehe~

taking e ride at theme park. tt's yuande & qinglan at e back~

qinglan & me~

e 4 of us & e big tortoise~

me inside kBOX~

tt's our living room~

some chinese new yr decor at the hotel lobby~

at our balcony~

at e "bar counter" before our gambling round~

goodbye hsbc~

2006-01-07T03:25:00.000+08:00

i have finally ended my career wif hsbc and i'm now a happy woman!! but i fear tt this might be temporary... cos who knows what lies ahead for me??? anywayz... it's time to move on now & i shan't regret!!

a big THANK YOU to all those who had been so kind as to tolerate my attitude, shower me wif parting gifts and treats, and esp those who wld like to see more of me in future~!!! may god bless you all~

i wanna go overseas!

2006-01-06T10:46:00.000+08:00

i feel like gg overseas leh. but dunno where to go.

korea? taiwan? hk? malaysia? budget tight la hehe.

asked mum whether she wanna go together. shldn't need to ask at all.

but go alone? hmm scared i lose my way.

hahaha.

2006-01-01T21:37:00.000+08:00

it's a sad start to a brand new year.

now i know. i aint important to him. nor to anybody else.

i need to take a break. alone i will be.

2005's bitter symphonies

2005-12-28T00:23:00.000+08:00

i dun regret the whole transition at all. it has made me cross paths wif some nice pp whom i'd otherwise not have e chance to meet. for e.g. mag, feli, jane. or perhaps we'd bump into each other but not talk at all. i guess it was tt particular seat tt was so special. anyway, today i was threatened by her to extend my last day. i hate to be threatened. so i threatened her back. it worked but i decided to use a more subtle way of attacking her. i hope things turn out better. come on, noone is indispensable to any company. not even the CEO! im gonna keep to my stand no matter wat. cos a promise is a promise, and i'll make sure u keep to ur promise or i curse e heavens to slit thru ur tongue till ur throat!

okay fine enuff of bullshit. anyway, it's been a rocky 2005 indeed. but at least i survived! much stronger & more cynical than ever. but when i do lighten up, i realise tt my life aint too bad afterall. i am so blessed to have a wonderful and sweet guy (my darling) ;i have frens who care & guide me along thru'out these yrs (esp jj, estell, gerald etc) and most imptly, i have my mom who supports my decision all e while & who is always silently whipping up meals for me (and sometimes for dar too).

im just a blessed lil gal afterall...

you.

2005-12-23T15:10:00.000+08:00

you promised me tt you wldn't get so drunk again, but you lied.

you suddenly sent me a msg saying tt i am rude to you, when all is well & i didnt even offend you.

you didn't even care when i told you that i quarrelled with the bloody fatso.

you just downed yourself in your own happiness & drank yourself silly.

you didn't even bother to reply my smses.

you are probably not worth it.

christmas~

2005-12-23T09:19:00.000+08:00

christmas. a time when "the joy of giving" begins its wretched cycle. not tt it's a bad thing, but every year, pp distribute xmas presents just for e sake of giving, without putting much thot into the present at all. worse still, some pp might even "recycle" presents tt they've received but do not like, or stuff tt are oredi collecting dust in their abodes.

last yr, i spent a fortune on xmas presents. dis yr, i just can't be bothered. only gave to pp who are special & dear to me (you guys/gals noe who you are :p). seriously, i dun wanna give sth useless to someone and ultimately the gift goes to the dustbin or gets recycled for next yr's xmas. (yea some of my xmas pressies last yr are still hiding somewhere in my closet!)

but then again, stuffed toys are cute arent they?? \o/~

moving on

2005-12-15T14:22:00.000+08:00

i started on 6 sep 05.

i'm ending it all on 6 jan 05.

yeah i'm leaving dis plc soon. i need to move on, juz like e others. anyway down here, pp r juz too occupied wif their own stuff. be it personal or work (i.e. trying to curry flavour wif e more impt pp etc). i used to work so hard. but in e end, im juz an invisible worker. totally unappreciated & forever under the eyes of those condescending imbeciles. esp those smelly AMs and disgusting bitches who put on a superficial facade. and those to claim credit for my hard work. and those who backstab me. all of u. im gg see through all of u, i will curse u all till u rot in hell!

anyway, i shld be happy, cos like wat gaven had said, i shld practise daily, to start and end e day happy, regardless of what happens! cos dis, i owe it to myself! im juz so glad tt i've managed to hit my objective juz when i was analyzing what i want outta my working life. my aim is to climb at least 2 levels within 3-5 years. i finally did it! now im gg one level up! i noe its gonna be tough, lotsa OT and a new, unknown environmt again. but i shall not be detered by dis trivialities! i wanna grow up, be more mature (not juz in work but oso in other aspects, e.g. personal life). perhaps i wun spend as much when im settled in my new office, cos orchard area is forever orchard ma. (wah juz nw went mng sale but hengz ah didnt spend one cent!!)

hmm tink its time to reflect..abt my life!! i mean, what exactly is so impt in my life rite now?? establishing my career?? forming a family?? earning as much as cash as possible to spend & travel?? what is tt one thing which is so meaningful tt when i am on my deathbed, i'd be contented tt i had achieved it??

it's time to learn how to die.

darling bot roses for me~

2005-12-14T23:55:00.000+08:00

guys usually buy flowers for gals for certain reasons:

it's e gal's bday
it's some special festival, e.g. xmas, vday
it's their anniversary date
the guy made her upset
the gal is upset over sth
...

hmmm.... hehehe. whatever e reason is, thank you darling~ you will always be e one i love *muackx*

the bouquet bigger than my head...

hehehe my darling always so handsome :D

thank u very much darling~! muackx~

darling & me in e living room :)

our trip to botanic gardens~

2005-11-13T23:55:00.000+08:00

hubby & me gg to take the mrt to botanic gardens! check out his new tag heuer speckies! hehe.

finally reached botanic gardens & taking a breather after a long, strenuous journey~

see my darling is sooooo CUTE!! hehehe... he's mine mine mine~ !

nice shot by darling, thank you~

we're so in love~

isn't dis just sooooo sweet?? hehehe...

taking e tube back home lo~

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a summary of what happened dis weekend~
im down wif flu now cos of e supercold aircon ydy at e ktv pub. not to forget the smoke! damn, think im allergic to smoke now. luckily my darling doesnt smoke ^_^ dis wkend had been rather meaningful though our sunday was shortlived (we spent almost all day sleeping in each other's bed! hehehe).

i think all couples shld take leave together and spend e whole day embracing each other's existence! darling & i went to collect e tag heuer specs at marine parade & den we were off to lido for movie "just like heaven". it's a pretty heartwarming show, and most imptly, i had caught it wif my dear dear hubby! we did a bit of shopping subsequently and i bot a cute floral dress from isetan. darling says i look like a little gal in e dress. hehe.

sat was a warm day and we had originally planned a picnic on tt day since darling's finger hasnt healed yet & we cant do anything too vigorous. however we ate up all e bread at home and all we brought was doritos! it took us a lil bit of time to get to botanic gardens but im glad we went. we need a lil bit of exercise! yea darling said i'm fat. so angry wif him~ hehehe.

darling, i'll always treasure you and whats most impt is our future~! MUACKX~

2005-11-07T08:59:00.000+08:00

was supposed to be on leave today but had to go back office to sort out some reports. grr...need to replan my leave and must also rem to key in my OT for last sat. im using dis stupid pc which cant even allow me to log in to my leave schedule and OT claims cos they're having a bloody conference call now and it's gonna be a waste of my time.

anyway my poor baby was cut by e blade of e rubbish chute last nite. there was so much blood! my heart really felt pain for him. e thot of losing him is just too scary and i feel so regretful for kicking up big fuss at marine parade ydy.

I'M SORRY DARLING!!!!!

yeah we went blading again ydy. managed to go a further distance. dar said he can get the groove better dis time round and im happy for him ;)

till later. tata~

fucking hormones

2005-11-02T08:20:00.000+08:00

been very nottie recently and my poor darling had to tahan my tantrums. but seriously i feel damn lousy nowadays and nothing seems to make things better. not even the recent PHs. i just hope its a passing phase and tt once all is done, i'd be back to normal. too much hormones in my body, the doc said. the cyst is bloody 3cm. i thot it was big. he said it's okay. *shrugs*

met up wif teddy on mon to get his suit. ultimately he chose dis brown one from zara. $389 wif pants. seems worthwhile when u compare wif those DKNY ones, which look plain and costs $1.2k. we also went to wisma for lunch and OMG, the dimsum was yummy~ shit i really getting fatter man. HELP~ caught exorcism of emily rose wif my dardar and the rest of them at nite. the show made me feel like puking~

went blading ydy wif dardar! we can conquer humps now.. yay!! hehehe.. but dar blade until like very uncomfortable. too bad i aint a proper coach. infact im still a beginner (after 2 yrs hahaha).

gg to pompom now. tata.

uzap~

2005-10-23T10:29:00.000+08:00

yay darling & i just bot our osim uzap!! cant wait to zap away all e fat asap!! hopefully b4 xmas..hehe. yea had been putting on weight since few mths back but didnt bother to do anything. in fact i still eat fast food every nw n den, and all dis has gotta stop!! im gonna start my healthy lifestyle liao. no chips more zap more vege less carbo. shldnt be too diff rite??

mebbi i can go gym during my leave too. can't wait~

i miss my darling again~

$$$ issues

2005-10-19T15:00:00.000+08:00

i need to save money!!! cannot anyhow spend oredi.

:(

an update

2005-10-05T12:02:00.000+08:00

havent exactly updated my blog in a long while. not tt nothing happened, but at least i didnt have a series of unfortunate events.

work-wise, i've moved on from front desk to customer service to mis since a yr ago. i cld still rem wat prompted me to leave millenia tower - too much slacking & msning. and now, i'm overladen wif work. how ironical. i guess its a progression la. thou staring at e pc doing data mining causes my head to split at times. even my colleagues say i look pale & sick whenever i pass by them. mebbi cos i nvr put lipstick la. lolx

things w my beloved bengbeng have been really gd too. he's so sweet & cute!!!! hehe. anyway, we went to daniel's wedding dinner last sat at excelsior hotel & my dear is easily e cutest guy there!! took half day tdy & gg to meet my dear!! he's gg to try suit cos he'd be e bestman for his fren's wedding dinner dis cmg sat. hmm nice~

one of my colleague's BF juz got transferred to our dept & so me & my dear were touching on dis topic of wrkg in e same office for couples. apparently there is a couple in his office & he said they dun seem like one though. weird. i think if i were working in same office as my dear dear, i think i wldnt be able to resist making kopi and tea for him every other hour! hehehe.

ydy i bot my 2nd dkny bag ydy at isetan! cost me $300+ so now i cant buy digicam le. sobz. but i think its quite versatile la, can match w skirts and jeans easily. i guess i gotta continue using my fuji 2mp digicam lo. big deal right?? hehe.

seriously i dun rem tt my HP lights up every 3 secs. weird.

looks like my schedule for e rest of e week is almost fully booked.
thu got salsa/meringue class...though i am really not into meringue..
fri im gonna meet ah line 4 dinner n mebbi drop by union sq to bump into siok & her BF.
sat meeting up wif estell (very long nvr meet liao!!).
sun rest!!

hmm im gonna create my beehive hair later!!!!

argh darling i miss you!!!

i need justification

2005-09-26T22:16:00.000+08:00

i was beaten up by my bro last nite.

dis bro of mine is 2 yrs my senior, cancerian, never attached. he stays home all day playing computer games and watching porno whenever he aint working. he's a fucking bastard who makes it a point to smash your ego whenever you pass by him, by a mere glare from the corner of his evil eyes.

last nite, bastard strangled me till he broke my beloved pearl necklace, punched me in the head till i was thrown fiercely onto the icy marble floor. before i could even gasp one puff of air, he kicked me in my back like a dog. an intense pang of pain pierced through my chest and stomach. the lingering pain that caused me to scream my lungs out. the scream of deja vu. i shot a look at the fucking bitch who caused me the agony and the lack of expression made me shudder with sadness. bastard knew he had an edge over me and tried to kick me a second time but the worthless whore found her conscience and tried to shield me. now was her turn to get shoved onto the floor with a bloody loud thud. serves you right bitch.

unfortunately, the bastard's mother was unharmed (and in fact, is now happily feeding her beastly son as usual). curse the heaven for being unjust!

life is not beautiful

2005-09-26T01:49:00.000+08:00

u will get ur own retribution.

the cursing starts from now.

i hate rationality

2005-09-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

feel damn fucked up now.
but can't vent on anything or anyone.
my rational side taking over me.
i hate it when i feel lost.
fuck.

confused

2005-09-13T01:22:00.000+08:00

is it an illusion?
what is happening?
i need guidance.
where are u mag?

superstar

2005-09-06T19:06:00.000+08:00

did wei lian sing badly deliberately cos he wanted to get 2nd??

:/

flings

2005-08-28T00:26:00.000+08:00

define "fling"

1. The act of flinging.
2. A brief period of indulging one's impulses. See Synonyms at binge.
3. Informal. A usually brief attempt or effort: You take a fling at it.
4. A brief sexual or romantic relationship.

see synonyms at binge?? doesnt tt seem so interesting?? i think pp can starting calling their flings "doritos" or "nachos" instead of the fake and insincere "my sweet lil bunny" ("pringirl" is exclusive k).

anyway who and what determines the time period for "brief"?? 2 weeks? one month?? 3 months??

any enlightenment??

天之骄女

2005-08-26T00:12:00.000+08:00

悠长工作过后仍是工作
围内一个都不可跟你享乐
还是发觉再没有多少话讲
难道有事亦会没承诺
随着我上进心已跟顶峰这样近
你的娇小自尊伤损太深

旁人话我看起你居然拣你别理世间这么细腻
明日变成恋爱传奇觅个办法做个预算每分每刻每夜都于一起
但是你我都欠见地情人就似好的知己
但让你有别的女子也许我都永不会知错从头欢喜
无时候陪你这一生不够十个星期真可交给你但我又如何伴人仍是爱着你

忙来赶去我们如何可追如何争取这天子充满恐惧
明日不必我没有芳心容许流泪也是人叫便流泪

旁人话我看起你居然拣你别理世间这么细腻
明日变成恋爱传奇觅个办法做个预算每分每刻每夜都于一起
但是你我都欠见地情人就似好的知己但没有转机
没法说起只因彼此投入到不相干的境气
连平日我工作痛苦都不敢说起

诚恳讲对不起你都委屈你任那世间诸多妒忌
谁又好奇总有好奇觅个办法做个预算每分每刻每夜都于一起
就让我迷恋惹妒忌而其实我都输不起
就让你的爱心储起记忆储起有关你的没人可比
仍然奉承你是毕生好友就似演员都必需交戏但我柔情蜜意全为你起
这段爱一定有转机脚步愿放慢迎合去就你

fear

2005-08-25T08:48:00.000+08:00

suddenly im afraid of it all.

i guess its only natural.

now i know why pp hate uncertainty.

fuck it? i say fuck YOU

2005-08-21T19:23:00.000+08:00

went to a gay pub at tg pagar on fri nite wif gerald. not exactly an eye opener for me cos the gay shows are similar to the one i seen b4..e standard kumar show. den got some folks having a mini dance competition n den the more prof gay dancing..which didnt interest me at all. *yawnz* but something happened tt nite. my first time ever. did i drink too much? i felt totally sober thou. she felt so soft..vulnerable (or so i thot)..okay why the fuck am i putting dis on my blog?? i merely kissed somebody & it's not a guy. big deal?

anyway i reached home ard 4am. was totally knocked out in the cab and when he finally reached my place i opened the door and puked by the roadside..as usual haha. cab drivers must love me for not dirtying their seats huh. hmm...woke up ard 9+ cos supposed to go sentosa wif justin & frens...was really quite stoned when i reached at 1pm..mag didnt come cos weather wasnt really fantastic. rained a little during our bolly and frisbee sessions. i didnt play much but it was nice la. but need to train up a bit..missed the time when i played with pingping & her macho frens..pretty competitive but it's gd la.

after tt went scotts w justin for dinner. window shopped a bit & quite sad tt i didnt get to buy anything haha. mebbi save e money for my blades huh. yea supposed to go buy today but ended up sleeping away..think i got a bit feverish too. sweated a bit & nearly puked in my dustbin. yucks. ok ok back to my sat nite. went clubbing at dblo (yea yea tt plc again)..didnt really drink a lot la. prob all in all...one jug 2 shots?? but things happened la. it felt gd la but my intuition tells me tt i am being played again. and again i was sober k. tmd.

---
i'm quite sick of pp making use of me & then casting me aside.

fuck u pp.

enuff said.

an email correspondence to boost my totally smashed ego

2005-08-19T01:13:00.000+08:00

a guy: hey babe..r u ok? cheer up ok?? =)

kimmie: ur mail sure cheered me up. feeling quite pissed with some pp too. haha. hmm what have u been doing?!

a guy: i veli sian leh..everyday wake up 2pm..practice piano...so sian..aiy wats makes u think i got gf??

kimmie: aren't u fortunate to be doing wat u're passionate abt everyday?? hmm but to play everyday sounds scary...ur dad so strict?? with ur talent & looks, shldnt have any prob getting a GF??

a guy: well..actualli i should be practising the piano abt 5-8 hours a day..but i lazy leh...haha..remember the day i and my dad went to ur office? the moment u came in to the room hor..i was like...waa chio man~!! haha..but papa was there..so must act normal..

kimmie: well i gotta work from abt 9-10 hours a day... does tt sound any comfort to u?? hey u make my day again man!! hahaha. r u always such a sweet talker?? hahaha wat wld u do if ur dad wasnt there??

a guy: haha..i would probably hug u?? haha..no lah just joking..dun scared...just joking..well...probably ask for ur number?? hehe..aiya anyway u sure wun give one leh..

---
to the guy who wrote me dis email...dun get angry if u happen to see dis post k. some things are nice to remember. chill!

an angry post

2005-08-18T00:14:00.000+08:00

i was so angry with her for past few days.

she had said to send out all docs on mon, so i waited for her. den come mon, when i wanted to help her zap her pile, she said she sent out liao. didnt even wait for me! fucking bitch..in e end i sent out my own stack. dun care liao. tdy, she sent me an email asking me when it'd be a gd time to hand over to her. why the hell is she sending tt email to me when she is sitting just next to me? bloody hell. she had an appt at 4pm, so i replied her: after her appt. den she can reply to me: what time? wtf? i very the tulan her liao k.

plus e fact tt somebody nvr do her job properly yet claimed tt she is "capable". den can flash her disgusting pearlies at anyone and everyone, but secretly talk bad behind their backs. oh yea and all those complaints abt having too much work, thus had to delegate tasks? but why do i always see her indulging in her salsa schedule..talking on e phone endlessly and gg for 2 hr lunches den act nice & buy food back for boss? is tt hw pp climb up e corporate ladder? am i lacking some skills or sth?? curry flavour seems to be e key word here huh.

ok fine im fucking pissed with so many pp tdy. even myself. stupid me even went to e extent of printing out those photos, which cost bloody 50cents each. other pp oredi forgot who i am liao la. nabei cheebye! fuck u asshole go & die u freak! ur gf/wife will fuck another guy & he will squirt in ur bloody face cos u r a fucking cheehong juvenile piece of shit!!!!!

maybe..

2005-08-14T23:53:00.000+08:00

today i made a fool of myself. i cried in my buddy's arms.

maybe if i had cried in his presence, he would not leave me.

maybe they are already having a wonderful time together now.

maybe i was just a buoy when he's having one of the worst moments in his life.

maybe i should convert.

maybe i should get outta here.

is there anything wrong with me?

lethargy

2005-08-14T08:45:00.000+08:00

bumped into faith ydy...and thanks to her & her fren jenlee...managed to find e wretched tunnel hidden in one corner of e estates.. anyway i reached ecp at 1pm ydy..but e damn carpark f1 was located at e other end near bedok jetty...which took me abt an hour to reach..shld've jus rented a bike huh..haha. but had a pretty nice walk..listening to music (california..here we come..hahaha)..puffing away on my fags...

reached there at 2pm ultimately... luckily ray was there...so he let me go for e 3pm timeslot..so there i was...suntanning and talking on e phone for a gd half an hr with justin again...we talked abt life and love again...nowadays things seem so much clearer...i used to wonder & question pp's behaviour..but now, answers just come naturally. but of cos, there are much more to learn. anyways justin boosted my ego upon knowing my backgrd...haha. lemme reiterate! i was just a nerd back den in the 1990s k.

e lesson went pretty slow. desmond was pretty patient with all of us..but there were 2 indian-chinese kids which really got on my nerves. thoroughly arrogant & rude..though e mom was okay. i even had to urge to tell her to discipline her kids properly.

kk, cz, eugene & gf reached ard 5pm..they cycled/i struggled to blade for abt 2 hrs den went for lunch at a food centre in bedok. had my usual favs..hokkien mee..satay..stingray...i didnt eat as much as i thot i wld..surprisingly. we decided to make our move ard 10+...so i reached home ard 11pm. was deciding btw watching e maid at cwp or gg to gerald's plc for tv & drinks. in e end, mom forbade me frm gg out & i realised i was actually darn tired. so went to bed ard 12am..had quite a few weird weird dreams..

i think i woke up too early tdy too. i cld've slept till 11am. meeting yeelai for bewitched later..but im still tired. i need a massage really badly. argh.

how i wish people keep to their promises.

inline skating

2005-08-12T23:38:00.000+08:00

inline culture just called me to ask me to go down for a trial lesson tmr. kinda weird to be so called "selected" to go for e class. plus the coincidence tt i was so upset abt having no kaki to go blading with. how weird can life be? hahaha. wonder whether i'd see ray there tmr. *shrugs*

fri nite

2005-08-12T21:08:00.000+08:00

OMG...why am i still in the office??? :S

nought

2005-08-11T22:37:00.000+08:00

the feeling of emptiness is back again. maybe i'm just sick of loneliness. i need people ard me. i need love. i need attention. just like anybody else.

anyway i just went for my first salsa class & i enjoyed myself man. esp when i get to learn something new with my best fren of almost 13 years. i mean, come on, once u step into society, how much chance do one get to learn new stuff? the monotony of life makes me dull man. moreover, i had decided to quit clubbing for good.

tmr's fri & the long awaited wkend is finally coming. but suddenly, im jolted into reality tt dis is gonna be a wkend of loneliness again. poor ash gonna slog hard at work tmr & so she cant meet me for dinner afterall. sat/sun oso noone gg blading or sentosa. any nice movies coming up? maybe i'll go catch something tmr. else i'd just work OT to earn more money for my travel indulgence.

hmm hmm... been reading & reading mitch albom's tue with morrie...damn i love dis book! everybody shld read dis book man. i think i could even type out every single word in e book & post it on my blog so tt i can read it everywhere. haha.

ok here's a quote: love each other or perish.

shld i quit my job?

cursed for life

2005-08-10T21:00:00.000+08:00

am i strong? was i strong? pp always see me as invincible huh. hey bloody hell i ain't strong. but im not gonna allow myself to be vulnerable again. not in a bloody long while.

people are selfish. they just go for whatever makes them happy without thinking of the consequences, and the hurt they inflict upon others.

prob in e past i'd commence my routine of cursing all those who had done wrong to me. but not anymore. maybe im afraid of the bad karma now. and i still think tt what comes ard goes ard.

you will get your own desserts.

oh no. is tt a curse??

blading obsession

2005-08-09T23:11:00.000+08:00

so many thoughts are filling my mind now...but they aint in a proper sequence and that hurts my puny brain a lot. as much as i'd like to believe wat justin said - tt things will get better - there is dis air of uncertainty & hopelessness in dis cooped up life of mine. yea sure i have frens...be it old or new who knows my situation...but they have their own probs too and mine seem so insignificant. moreover, wats bugging me is prob tt i care too much. i shld be looking fwd to my wkends (since my job sucks but at least there's saint mag) but i just keep wondering how he is, whether he is okay blah blah blah. whats wrong with me? plus dis wkend doesnt seem right as well. im dying to go blading but ash has got stuff on both sat/sun..and justin gg sentosa instead (yeah my blading obsession is now stronger than frisbee). j&j don't seem to show much enthusiasm in blading at the yishun carnival today. that leaves me with noone else. damn! anyway i just wrote a damn corny quote on my frenster..here it goes:

i've learnt that love is a lot like rollerblading. before u can even hold hands while blading together, u need to learn how to glide on smoothly on your own. in the presence of uncertainty, the chance of both fallng down together is gonna be high. and that could hurt a lot - cos one might collapse on the other.

tt explains the big bump on my knee now.

一千年以后

2005-08-09T11:28:00.000+08:00

心跳乱了节奏
梦也不自由
爱是个绝对承诺不说
撑到一千年以后
放任无奈淹没尘埃
我在废墟之中守着你走来
我的泪光承载不了
所有一切你(需)要的爱
因为在一千年以后
世界早已没有我
无法深情挽着你的手
浅吻着你额头
别等到一千年以后
所有人都遗忘了我
那时红色黄昏的沙漠
能有谁
解开缠绕千年的寂寞

he's gone

2005-08-08T14:31:00.000+08:00

he's gone, i'm lost.

suddenly, i find myself drenched.

in tears.

hahaha im bored again

2005-08-04T21:41:00.000+08:00

walau im so bored..really dunno wat to do leh. maybe i shld've stayed in office to continue wif the proj huh. den can earn extra OT pay. but sian la no mood to work at all. dun understand why everything is pushed to me to do.

tdy cust was late. he came in & sheepishly said tt he's "supposed to have an appt wif karen lim ard 12.30 to 1". i glared back at him, introduced myself & told him sternly tt our appt was supposed to be 12pm. haha guess my notorious glare must hv scared e shits outta him. he's another of those rich kids anyway. stay in big houses, prance ard in town area in berms & slippers, study for masters at a tender age of 21, gg for phd thereafter blah blah blah. ok la, maybe im kinda jealous? hmm or perhaps im just lamenting over e lack of familial support. sometimes i feel as if im totally devoid of ties, love, humanity?

went shopping tdy during lunch. bot e adidas bag for tommie & a pair of shorts for myself from topshop. find them quite cheap la. or maybe im just a spendthrift. yeah trying to save up for holidays and for lasik. and tons of other things man. such as my gym membership, which i have yet to pay up & thus can't go haha. spent a lil too much in perth liao..like scott said, go on holiday for other pp..haha. oh well. i miss e place..and the peeps so much!! was juz gg thru e video clips, & i find them so hilarious!

hmm just had my shower not too long ago & i started cutting my own hair again..haha. really damn sianz w my hair la. so thin & limp! hw i wish i got thick luscious locks for me to play ard with. even thou i had dyed my hair only a mth back, i found myself looking at hair dyes again during lunchtime. siao liao. but dunno wat else to do with it leh. cannot cut cannot straighten..argh!!

why do i always get bored so easily????

the fuck game

2005-07-31T11:40:00.000+08:00

a year ago...

guy & gal are happily together.

gal goes to auz for studies.

guy starts going out with other gals when she isn't ard.

gal finds out & breaks up with guy.

guy gets heartbroken.

gal gets herself another BF in auz.

guy refuses to give up but but starts to indulge in clubbing, alcohol & sex.

a year later...

gal returns to singapore for a week's holiday.

guy wants her back.

gal wants to break.

guy let her go & be with the guy in auz.

gal says he is free to fuck other gals now.

what's gonna happen one year from now?

---

whats up with the world today? why can't pp just treasure their loved ones & stop doing things which will hurt each other? what do we all want at the end of our time? why do pp love? life can be so much simpler. really. imperfect as always. but still wonderful.