utter disappointment.
perhaps it was bcos i had come from a shattered family tt's why i started to invest my time, effort, money, and most imptly, sincerity into his instead. i think it was him who had suggested it altogether. "since u dun have a warm fam, u can share mine". how wonderful it seemed before. and the more i put in, the greater the disappointment. i thot i was angry with them initially. but the more i thot abt it, the more i realise tt it was sheer disappointment. the same kind tt i have wif my own fam. which ultimately leads to me giving up.
i think i do not want to see them again. bcos the moment i see them, the feeling of injustice would come into mind. i dunno who crystallis is, but she seems to know exactly what im gg through. they never get to the bottom of things and like all homo sapiens, being biased is a common trait of theirs. to them, im like a puppet which they use to entertain their child. anytime the puppet is unable to make him happy, they pierce a needle through its heart. bcos puppets are not supposed to have even one bit of emotions.
he said he defended me. but how, i asked. and shock was all i received. just like when the 2 lovers in paris were wronged, the guy refused to explain in detail to the rich couple. if you do not tell, how do people know whats gg on? "i made her angry and tt's why she behaved liddat". apt? i think not. bcos if someone tells me tt, i'd just shoot back: "why is she always angry?". goddammit i am so tired.
"love is never enough". how true is tt?
i think i do not want to see them again. bcos the moment i see them, the feeling of injustice would come into mind. i dunno who crystallis is, but she seems to know exactly what im gg through. they never get to the bottom of things and like all homo sapiens, being biased is a common trait of theirs. to them, im like a puppet which they use to entertain their child. anytime the puppet is unable to make him happy, they pierce a needle through its heart. bcos puppets are not supposed to have even one bit of emotions.
he said he defended me. but how, i asked. and shock was all i received. just like when the 2 lovers in paris were wronged, the guy refused to explain in detail to the rich couple. if you do not tell, how do people know whats gg on? "i made her angry and tt's why she behaved liddat". apt? i think not. bcos if someone tells me tt, i'd just shoot back: "why is she always angry?". goddammit i am so tired.
"love is never enough". how true is tt?
posted by kimmie at
1:28 AM
3 Comments:
Hihi, it's me again. Yes, I do understand what you are going through. It's ok you don't remember me, I met you briefly when you were holidaying in Perth.
It's really hard to try and get 'warm' with people in the first place. With normal human beings, you can try, and if you fail, it doesn't matter, you just move on. These people are just not meant to be in your circle of close friends, and you just have to move on and find people who are.
But what happens when it is his family? It's practically friends you cannot choose! Of course, you try your best to get along, putting in extra extra effort, extra doses of patience, thoughtfulness, care and concernm, because you want so much for everyone to love you as part of their family.
In the end, it's the one or two things that you apparently did 'wrong' that they remember, and judge you for.
Well, I say it's just too bad. I know this sounds cliche, but you have to think for yourself, cos no one will think for you!
It would be so nice if he can, but let's not burden him with that, although I know it's the fair thing for him to do. If you have that kind of expectations from him, and he doesn't do it naturally, then it'll just be the cause of endless quarrels.
Just be yourself and if his family can't deal with that, then you have to let go and try not to let it get to you too much. Think of the office bitch who gossips about you... who cares what SHE says.
Vent your frustrations elsewhere, like your blog or with friends who are good at providing a listening ear for your venting. That's the only way to keep sane. These friends will also serve as a source of encouragement and help you regain your confidence and promote your self-esteem... you'll be reminded of what a fabulous person you really are!
Whoops, think i got a little carried away with a very long comment. But I hope I helped to encourage you... even if it's only in a small way.
Look in the mirror... what do you see? A very pretty, fabulous girl! Give yourself a big smile and a hug. You deserve it!
PS. I fully understand what you mean by investing sincerity. It's like a double whammy when all your effort backfires on you. What a rude shock and a slap in the face!
There you are, treating them with sincerity (which is not an easy task for anyone), and they don't appreciate it. Just remind youself "I've done my best. It's their problem, not mine."
Another cliche I know, but I had to spend $$ for a counsellor to tell me that (which really woke me up). Now I'm dispensing this advice to you free.
Haha! See? Even a friendly stranger you don't remember cares about you. So don't be upset anymore. There are lots of people who loves you for you who are. Cheer up, pretty doll!
I simply understand how you feel as you should know i'm sort of in the same boat as you now. Needs a listening ear, my handphone number will definitely be a 24 hour one for you!
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