there were so many things which i wanted to do for u on ur bday. decorate the place with flowers & balloons, cook up a feast for u, buy a nice pressie for u, spend a romantic time wif u... etc etc... but nothing was done.

i just kept mopping the floor, wiping here & there, scrubbing the windows, wall tiles, trying to vacuum the circulators, etc etc... but my mind was just empty... everyday i wake up feeling lonely, empty. and i lose motivation to do anything meaningful at all.

i slack. i hang my head low. i look forward without seeing anything at all. i have no strong interest in anything, or anyone, not even u. i am sorry. i feel delusional, just like a teenager undergoing a phase of identity crisis in her life.

crap.

kena quite a few misunderstandings wif pp recently...

told law tt i saw an old fren at a club recently. said tt there were so many younger gals ard her who were very bubbly. ended up he told everyone tt i said she looked old now. i was like... wtf?! the twist of words really change the meaning...

another incident which happened at work. as i had been feeling pretty down & decided to just stay even quieter for a while, one colleague asked whether i was upset wif her. cos she was complaining abt another ex-colleague whom i happened to be able to click with. i was quite shocked to hear her say tt. after all, it's not as if it concerned me, whether u like her or not. moreover, i dun go ard eavesdropping on pp. but seriously, sometimes i do hear things which dun sound nice lah. also dunno why i always happen to click wif those pp who do not have gd rep. why is life so difficult?!

i miss u, LW... :(

4am in the morning.

looks like im really suffering from insomnia. blardy antibiotics. they mess up wif ur brain & body. just like blardy anonymous freaks who seem to have so much to comment but dare not leave names. a blog is a blog wif superficial meaning if u do not even know the blogger. but heck! there are always pp who think tt they know a lot & sprout loads of garbage which means nothing to the receiver.

just like a wife who tries to give constructive suggestions to her husband who just finds her irritating, controlling, even condescending. all he hears is garbage. no matter how much effort she puts in, a simple message can come across as negative to him. and why do pp just assume tt u r taking revenge when u happen to do the same to them afterwards?

Get Through

I Dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving?
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind,
Some reasons to be missed

Don't resent me, and
When you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
And leave out all the rest,
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me now
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind,
Some reasons to be missed

Don't resent me, and
When you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
And leave out all the rest,
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else
Can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind,
Some reasons to be missed

Don't resent me, and
When you're feelilng empty
Keep me in your memory
And leave out all the rest,
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else
Can come and save me from myself

I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

been monitoring the price of the sleek & sexy samsung u600... it has dropped from $480 to $458 within a week! so happy! hopefully by next mth will drop even further... cos got a sponsor for my next hp! :D

but money is never enuff. i am still eyeing the nintendo wii as well as a scooba. if only i win 4D or something... just $2K to fulfil my wants...

---

oh gawd i am so tired... so vexed... why is it always like a rollercoaster? i am really at a loss as to wat i should do, and should not do... can't it be simpler? i am not u... i really do not know what u r thinking... and i dunno whether wat i am thinking is impt... should i just avoid it? or perhaps u have oredi excluded me... but does it really matter? i wanna know... but yet i dun really wanna know :(