splitting headache

so many amendments, so many emails shooting here & there. i am getting so frustrated! den suddenly Indonesia tells me of a likely error made in Oct 07. hello?! now is 2008! wake up ur ideas, idiots!

ydy was our ROM anniversary. i noe i shldnt hold high expectations. but i guess it's natural tt pp compare, and den make themselves unhappy. i am one of those pp. the day was great; KS gave me a last min half day off. i went back starving, got changed, and we took a bus down to Ubi to see cars. ard evening time, we headed to AMK for dinner, walked a bit, i trimmed my hair for CNY, and den we head home. we had loads of laughter along e way. but yet, i was still unhappy at the end of e day, when we got home. i complained abt having to do all e housework (he said tt if i want him to do, just tell him to do, den said i'm getting more & more naggy... wtf?!), abt how he always walked off by himself like a spoilt brat whenever we had arguments, abt him not revising his work since he'd wanted to do his p/t degree (and hence i had to fork out e reno instalmts all by myself), having no pressies, no flowers, no surprises etc. for special occasions. a deep surge of disappointment caused my heart to sink, as i started to compare with how my ex-BFs used to treat me. they bot stuff for me, cooked for me, surprised me wif flowers, planned a day of celebration, etc etc. den i oso wondered how nice he used to treat his ex-GF, albeit wif loads of assumptions made. i feel so shortchanged.

but upon deeper thinking, realised tt as long as he's wif me, why do i need to be so calculative?

still gloomy

tmr is our ROM anniversary & i still dunno whether my leave will be approved or not. i really wish to spend some time with my hubby, be it at home, at the beach, or go patoh like old times. we haven't really been doing tt as weekends are always so crowded, it just drives off any mood to enjoy & have fun. toopid holiday inn batam didnt get back to me whether 26-27 jan accomodation for e spa retreat is still available; so i went ahead to sign up for the workshop "anatomy of peace in families" @ furama riverfront. actually i had wanted to sign up since a mth back, but kept slipping my mind due to spilling workload. anyways i'm quite broke for spa now. CNY coming & we gotta buy ba kwa, goodies, give ang pows etc. cash resources running really low. and dunno whether i will have any bonus or not. it's gonna fund part of our wedding expenses, and if there isnt any bonus, i gotta save real hard gg fwd. life is so tough :(

im really so tired. so swamped wif work i can hardly breathe. now gotta do 3 ports, oc npl, acrr migration as well as bcp. bcp forum is coming soon, again. i really got no interest in it. but i just dunno how to voice it out to boss. dunno whether i am considered sway or wat, kena a few cases whereby some exceptional cases occur, and my checker nvr pick up the errors in the anomalies & end up i become the scapegoat. so it just seems like my performance has taken a huge plunge. if i still tell her i dunwan to do bcp, i wonder how miserable my bonus would become, if i even have any!

recently we rented out our unutilised room to a myammese lady. she is a pretty nice person, decent & frenly. dun find tt my life has been affected much. and tt suddenly makes me wonder whether me & law really lack tt much intimacy all the while. everyday after work, we watch e telly (currently watching coffee prince given to me by my dearest sis) & den go to sleep. lifeless? i dunno. prob everyone else's life is pretty much e same.

e whole world is having babies now. some of them even younger than me. i wonder how they can do it. i can't imagine myself being preggie at all. i can't sip my red wine no more, and i can't even fit into my clothing no more. and no more dieting or high heels. worst of all, no freedom, and no money! i really can't do it.

everyday is getting more & more boring. at work, after work, at home, and even during special occasions like bdays, festivals etc. FUCKING SIANZ!